1 SAMUEL 25-25, JOHN 10

 "I have come that they might have life and have it to the full" John 10:10

I feel like this is a good life verse.  It has kind of stuck over the years, and it sums me up pretty well.  Am I great at praying? No.  Am I a great evangelist? No.  Am I wise? No.  Do I serve the less fortunate? Not any more (kind of).  

But one thing that I do try to do (and I think I'm pretty good at) is making sure that other people's lives are better because of me.  Funny thing is that I almost typed easier and thought about it.  Easier does not make people's lives better.  Easier might even make your life worse.

Uh oh.  I may have taken this verse and changed it up a little bit - I have come that they might have life and have it a little easier.  Life to the full has to do with joy, satisfaction, making an impact - waking up every day and looking forward to what is ahead of you.  Life to the full means trusting that You have got it under control, there's peace there.  Life to the full means knowing that you are loved and that someone is looking out for you.  Life to the full means you are never alone.  Life to the full means that you have relationships that you love and a group of people that lead to all of the above.  

Am I doing that for people?  Can anyone do that for people except for You?

1 SAMUEL 17-18, JOHN 8

 "I am from above.  You are from below."

Which one am I?  My actions, are they more above or below?  I am pretty nice to everyone, I sacrifice for others, I put others in front of myself a lot.  But, do I love?  Do I do all of that just to make myself look better or is it because of You?  I'll give myself an ABOVE in that area.

My thoughts?  Horrible!  What motivates and inspires me is from below.  I do not wake up and think about how I could build the kingdom or do what You would have me to.  There are times when I will ask that, but is it what really gets me going?  Definitely a BELOW here.

My words?  Now that is one I think I do pretty well with, or do I?  I don't talk bad about people a lot, but I have had a lot of times when I could have kept my tongue silent.  I used to do a lot more encouraging, and I hardly ever talk about my faith.  Uh-oh, I thought I had this one, but I'm probably BELOW.

My spirit?  Do I seek Your voice?  Do I hear it?  Am I humble and confident in You?  Am I guided by Your ways or my ways?  I do feel like I have the innate ability to know what to do in situations - that's You.  But, I also feel like I don't seek You out naturally, and I forget to even go to You throughout the day.  Am I a spirit led being?  Probably BELOW.

Well, the good news is that I am just below the Dalton line, but the bad news is that after 50 years of church, a year as a youth minister, soooo much time reading the Bible and being in countless small groups, I'm still just below the Dalton line.

1 SAMUEL 12-13, JOHN 7

 Why would You say that You were not going to go and then go?  Did You change Your mind?  Were You just saying that to the disciples to surprise them?  To have them go on their own to stay out of danger?

This is what I like about You (well, there's a lot I like about You, but...), You are unpredictable.  I would think as God, You could not lie, could not bear false witness.  But, here it is.

I would think that You could not get angry, but there goes the tables.  I would think that You would not have some of the people following You (especially one who You knew would betray You), but there they were.  I would think that You would not be confrontational; especially with the leaders of Your people, but confrontational You were.  

I know I'm in a boat with a lot of others - a lot of people thought they knew who You would be and what You would do.   In fact, I think a lot of people today think the same thing.  But, we don't.  WWJD? How would we know?  You don't fit any mold or act in prescribed ways.  

You just followed what Your Father told You to do.  

Yesterday, in Buona Beef, I thought I heard You saying, "Don't be like Me.  Trust Me, but be like yourself.  The true self God made you to be."  That's what You did.

1 SAMUEL 8-9, JOHN 6

 If You were our king, how would that work?  So, You appointed the leaders of the people like Moses and Aaron and then told them what to do.  Then, they would just come to You and You would be their guide.  

I guess it's like the Catholic Church today.  The Pope kind of guides the people.  It is literally a different kingdom.  There are still rules where they live, but Your "rules" trump theirs.  Your "rules" are more about how we should treat people and spiritual matters.  You do touch on some governmental things, but it's more of a "Give to Ceasar what is Ceasar's" approach.

We really do have two kingdoms at work here, and I'm not sure what they were thinking back then, but I trust You way more than anyone we vote for.  But, I've also never realized how tangible, how literal, how real this is.  There are two kingdoms and we get to choose which one to live in.  And You have set it up so that the church is a tangible, literal and real representation of that.

1 SAMUEL 5-7, JOHN 6

 "It is I, do not be afraid."

How can we not be afraid?  All throughout the Bible, God shows His anger.  He'll give people tumors, infest towns with rats, turn people into pillars of salt, strike them dead - and that is to His people.  One guy did not keep the Sabbath and You said he should be stoned (at least that's what the Bible author's say).

I guess in this case, You are responding to stormy weather.  It is not something caused by disobedience.  So, maybe we should not be afraid of things we can't control.  You've got those.

But, where I struggle is the balance between not being afraid / trusting in Your forgiveness / knowing Your love is unbreakable vs if we mess up there are consequences / we can't just do whatever we want and expect You not to get angry and respond / the just God factor.

Andy Hilson always said that if you are trying to follow God and really want to please Him, you probably are.  I guess that's my real struggle - is that even true any more?  Am I following You or my own wants?  Is my goal to please You or others or myself?  Honestly, You I deserve more wrath than I've been given.  

I guess that's why I am constantly in fear of bad things happening; because I know what I've done, what I've thought, what I've failed to do.  And I know You are not pleased.  

It is I, do not be afraid.

1 SAMUEL 2-4, JOHN 5

 Whoops, missed a few books!  But, we're back!

"Speak Lord I'm listening!" 

What a great line.  A dangerous line.  A scary line.  A line that kind of puts it all out there.  If I am listening, that means I am about to hear what You say.  And if I hear what You say, I have to make a choice.  Will I do it or not?

I like the other way better.  I am going to make myself busy with other things, focus on other things, do whatever I can, so I don't listen.  Then, there is no pressure.  I'm not listening, so I don't have to make a choice.  I can't hear the hard thing You want me to do.  I can't trust You instead of myself in any decision.  I can go on with life the way I think is best (even if it isn't!).

Honestly, my way is horrible.  I know deep down that Your ways are always better - for everyone and even for me.  I know that You love me and wants what is best for The Kingdom.  I know that if everyone listened and followed this world would be like Your world.  

So, today, "Speak Lord, I am listening."