I have this bad habit. Maybe it's not a habit - a character flaw. Something wrong with me. When I face conflict, I can't stop thinking about it, but I never do anything about it. I think about what I should say and I go over in my mind how to respond (usually negatively - like how can I punish them), but I never actually do any of the things that come up (maybe because I know they would not be productive).
Literally, as I'm typing this, I'm thinking about what I should do. It kind of consumes me and I fear facing it. It affects my actions, my thoughts - but hey, I'm starting to think of productive things to do at least.
Why is that? Maybe it is because I have never actually stood up for myself, like maybe in my life. Maybe it is because I don't want to look at what I did wrong. Maybe it is because I am afraid of having a conversation, or think I already know how that conversation would go. Maybe it's because I don't trust God - didn't You say You would give us the words for our adversaries? Does that mean in general life too?
That's true. Maybe my worries and fears about facing the people come from two things. One, I forget that God can tell me what to say when I need it. Two, it's not always my fault. I don't have to take the blame.
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