I think I am starting to get it. It was the parable of the guy who sits either at the best spot at the table or the worst. I am a best spot type of guy - not that I put myself in places to get recognition. Oh wait, that's exactly what I do!
I like to do things the way I want to do them. Why? Part of it is that I want the credit. I want people to see how smart I am, how creative, how much value I have. I really have a hard time letting other people make decisions and just going with them. I don't trust them, which in turn means I don't trust God.
Is that too strong of a statement? I don't think so. A lot of the things I get frustrated about are really just because I won't get the credit, and that all goes back to worth. I feel like I have to prove myself, like if people don't see the great things I do, the incredible things I come up with, they won't value me. Well, the truth is that for 54 years I've had that mindset, and it's not working.
I get frustrated when I don't get my way. There are not a lot of people in awe of me. And I think I'm missing out on a lot of peace and joy You want me to have through trust. Really, that is what it comes down to. I don't trust God.
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